Jokes & groaners / October 19, 2026
Thanksgiving Jokes the Whole Table Will Groan At
The best Thanksgiving jokes are short, a little corny and easy to tell between bites. Here are 100 of them, sorted by where you're sitting: funny jokes, turkey jokes, the kids table, knock-knock jokes, the adults table and Thanksgiving dad jokes. If the groan is loud enough, our funny Thanksgiving shirts keep the joke going.
Funny Thanksgiving Jokes
Funny Thanksgiving jokes work best when everyone at the table gets them on the first try, so these stick to pie, Pilgrims, the parade and the side dishes.
- 01Why did the pumpkin pie apply for a job? It wanted to make some dough.
- 02What do you call a grumpy cranberry? A sourpuss.
- 03Why did the gravy get a standing ovation? It really poured its heart out.
- 04What kind of story does stuffing like best? One with a lot of filling.
- 05Why did the Pilgrim's pants keep falling down? His buckle was on his hat.
- 06Why does everyone trust the corn at dinner? It's all ears.
- 07Why did the dinner roll stay in school? It wanted to be well-bread.
- 08Why did the green bean break up with the casserole? Too many layers.
- 09Why did the parade balloon leave early? It was feeling a little deflated.
- 10Why do football players love Thanksgiving? Everyone at the table is tackling something.
- 11What disappears faster than pie? The leftovers you hid in the back of the fridge.
- 12How did the Mayflower show it liked the new land? It hugged the shore.
- 13What do you call a pie with a sense of humor? Pun-kin pie.
- 14Why does canned cranberry sauce keep its shape? It refuses to bend under pressure.
- 15Why is the oven the most popular guest? It always brings the heat.
- 16What's a potato's favorite part of Thanksgiving? The gravy train.
- 17What did the calendar bring to Thanksgiving? A side of dates.
- 18Why did the butter skip the toast? It was already on a roll.
- 19What did the salt say to the pepper at dinner? Let's shake things up.
- 20Why did the table bring extra leaves? It knew the whole family was coming.
Turkey Jokes
The turkey is the guest of honor, so it gets the most jokes. These turkey jokes work on everyone from grandma to the cousin who only looks up from his phone for food.
- 21Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken.
- 22What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
- 23Why did the turkey join the band? He already had the drumsticks.
- 24What's a turkey's favorite dessert? Peach gobbler.
- 25Why did the turkey say no to dessert? He was already stuffed.
- 26How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I'll tell you later.
- 27What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing, wing.
- 28Why did the police question the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
- 29Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
- 30Why don't turkeys get invited to dinner parties? Too much fowl language.
- 31What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google.
- 32What do turkeys give thanks for? Vegetarians.
- 33Why did the turkey skip the Turkey Trot? He'd heard how that race ends.
- 34What did the turkey say when it saw the oven? Not my idea of a hot date.
- 35Why did the turkey wear sunglasses? To stay under the radar until December.
- 36How does a turkey sign its emails? Best wishbones.
- 37Why is the turkey bad at hide and seek? Everyone checks the kitchen first.
- 38What is a turkey's favorite holiday? Any day the menu says ham.
“what do you call a running turkey? fast food.”
For the kid who will repeat it nine times before pie
Thanksgiving Jokes for Kids
Thanksgiving jokes for kids should be riddles they can read out loud and solve themselves (then tell you the answer anyway). A few real Thanksgiving riddles are mixed in. Print a few on place cards and the kids table runs itself.
- 39Why did the cranberries turn red? They saw the turkey dressing.
- 40If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims.
- 41What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock.
- 42Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
- 43What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where's pop corn?
- 44What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky.
- 45Can a turkey jump higher than a house? Yes. Houses can't jump.
- 46What's the best dance on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
- 47Why did the pie go to the dentist? It needed a filling.
- 48What did the mashed potatoes say to the gravy? You're so smooth.
- 49What's the tallest thing at the kids table? The pile of rolls.
- 50How do you fix a broken pumpkin pie? With a pumpkin patch.
- 51Riddle: What gets wetter the more it dries? The dish towel after Thanksgiving dinner.
- 52Riddle: I'm full in the morning, empty after dinner and full again by bedtime. What am I? The fridge.
- 53Riddle: What can you catch on Thanksgiving but never throw? A nap.
- 54What's a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash.
- 55Why did the cookie go to the nurse after dinner? It felt crummy.
- 56What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Want the kids table to match? Our kids thanksgiving shirts come in youth, toddler and baby sizes, so the littlest comedians can dress the part.
Thanksgiving Knock-Knock Jokes
Thanksgiving knock-knock jokes are the easiest jokes for little kids to tell, because the setup does half the work. Expect to hear each one at least twice.
- 57Knock knock. Who's there? Peas. Peas who? Peas pass the gravy.
- 58Knock knock. Who's there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Thanksgiving, aren't you?
- 59Knock knock. Who's there? Turkey. Turkey who? Turkey won't turn, can you open the door?
- 60Knock knock. Who's there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip my plate, please. I'm starving.
- 61Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, the pie's getting cold.
- 62Knock knock. Who's there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to wait for grandma to start eating?
- 63Knock knock. Who's there? Annie. Annie who? Annie body want the last roll?
- 64Knock knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter let me in before the parade starts.
- 65Knock knock. Who's there? Yam. Yam who? Yam so hungry. Open up.
- 66Knock knock. Who's there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?
The first one comes with its own shirt: the “Peas Be With You” shirt says it before anyone knocks.
Thanksgiving Jokes for Adults
Thanksgiving jokes for adults are clean one-liners about the day itself: the late dinner, the second pie and the relative with questions. They're safe for work, too. Keep these at the grown-up end of the table.
- 67Dinner is at 2. We eat at 5. This is tradition.
- 68Thanksgiving: the only day "loosen your belt" counts as a toast.
- 69I asked for a small slice. They heard "all of it." I'm grateful.
- 70Thanksgiving is a family reunion with a stuffing-based ceasefire.
- 71My diet starts the day after Thanksgiving. Every year. For years.
- 72My aunt asked when I'm settling down. I asked when the turkey's done. Neither of us got an answer.
- 73Leftovers are the sequel, and honestly, the sequel is better.
- 74Wine pairing for Thanksgiving: whatever's open when the politics start.
- 75I'm thankful for stretchy pants and the people who don't comment on them.
- 76Hosting tip: hide the good pie. You'll thank me at 10 p.m.
- 77Thanksgiving is the only meeting where everyone's camera is on and nobody's muted.
- 78The turkey takes six hours. The eating takes twelve minutes. The dishes take the rest of the night.
- 79I'm not saying the stuffing is dry, but it asked for a glass of water.
- 80Every family has a seating chart. Ours is called "whoever got here first."
- 81My favorite Thanksgiving tradition is pretending the second plate is my first.
- 82Some people shop on Black Friday. I spend it digesting.
- 83I'm grateful for my family, my friends and the one cousin who always remembers the ice.
- 84The kids table is a promotion you spend the next twenty years trying to get back to.
For the grown-ups who like their Thanksgiving with a wink, the “Talk Turkey to Me” shirt says it before you do.
How to Tell a Thanksgiving Joke
wait for the pause
A good joke at the table is all timing. A few rules from people who have been groaned at professionally:
- Wait for the lull. The best moment is right after everyone sits down and nobody knows who should talk first.
- Know your table. Riddles for the kids table, the day-itself jokes for the adults. Mixing them up is how you end up explaining a joke to a nine-year-old.
- One joke per course. Turkey joke with the turkey, pie joke with the pie. Spacing them out keeps them funny.
- Commit to the delivery. Say it with a straight face. The groan is the applause.
- Let the kids win. If a kid tells the same joke twice, laugh twice. It's a holiday.
Thanksgiving Dad Jokes
Thanksgiving dad jokes are the corny ones that get a groan before they get a laugh, and every table has one person who lives for them. These are for that person, and for anyone who wants to become them by Friday.
- 85I'd tell you a pie joke, but it's a little crusty.
- 86Why did the corn get promoted? It was outstanding in its field.
- 87What do you call a stolen sweet potato? A hot yam.
- 88I tried making a belt out of turkey. Total waist of time.
- 89Gravy is just soup that believes in itself.
- 90Why did the sweet potato go to therapy? It had a lot of yam-otional baggage.
- 91What's a dad's favorite part of Thanksgiving? The nap. Second favorite: this joke.
- 92Why can't you trust the stuffing? It's full of it.
- 93I asked the turkey if it was nervous about Thursday. It said it was just going to wing it.
- 94I used to hate gravy, but it grew on me. Then I had to change shirts.
- 95Respect to the cranberry sauce that keeps the shape of the can. It knows where it came from.
- 96I told my family I'd carve the turkey. They said, cut it out.
- 97My mashed potatoes are like my jokes. Lumpy, but I'm proud of them.
- 98What's the best thing to put in a pumpkin pie? Your fork.
- 99I'd tell you a leftover joke, but you've heard it before.
- 100Why did dad bring a ladder to Thanksgiving? He heard dinner was on the house.
Thanksgiving Jokes That Are Already Shirts
Some jokes are too good for one dinner, so we put them on shirts.
- 101Shh. The yams are listening. The “Silence of the Yams” shirt puts a movie pun on a very quiet sweet potato.
- 102Take me or leave me. The “I Yam What I Yam” shirt is for the side dish fan with zero apologies.
- 103Second helpings are a lifestyle. The “Gobble Til You Wobble” shirt stars a turkey waddling away from a set table.
- 104Center of the table, always. The “Nobody Puts Gravy in the Corner” shirt is for anyone who guards the gravy boat.
Same jokes. Real shirts.
Silence of the Yams Lightweight T-Shirt
$32
I Yam What I Yam Lightweight T-Shirt
$32
Gobble Til You Wobble Lightweight T-Shirt
$32
Nobody Puts Gravy in the Corner Lightweight T-Shirt
$32
Thanksgiving Is A-Maize-Ing Lightweight T-Shirt
$32
This Is My Thanksgiving Face Lightweight T-Shirt
$32
Wear the Joke
If you're the one who tells the turkey joke every year, you might as well dress for it. Our Thanksgiving shirts are for people who bring a side dish and a punchline: yams, gravy, pie and one very unbothered turkey. Pick a joke, wear it to dinner and let the shirt do the warm-up. Stay weird.
Frequently Asked, Reluctantly Answered
What is the funniest Thanksgiving joke?
The joke most families still laugh at is: why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken. It works on every age group, and it buys you exactly enough time to grab the last roll.
What are good Thanksgiving jokes for work?
Good Thanksgiving jokes for work are clean, short and about food or the holiday itself, like "Why did the turkey join the band? He already had the drumsticks." Skip politics and anything about your relatives. Save those for the drive home.
What are some clean Thanksgiving jokes for church?
Clean Thanksgiving jokes for church are gentle food and Pilgrim jokes, like "If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims." They land with every age group, and nobody has to explain anything afterward.
What are some Thanksgiving jokes for teens?
Teens usually like deadpan one-liners about the day itself more than riddles, like "Dinner is at 2. We eat at 5. This is tradition." Say it without smiling. If they groan, it counts as a laugh.
YOUR CLOSET COULD USE
A LITTLE CHAOS.
Wear what makes you laugh. Gift what makes them stare.
Keep the good kind of weird in circulation.